Eight months passed by us, literally in a blink of eye. Gone are the days when we worry over our big Alevels. But now we're about to face the next stage of life/education. What are things like? Will we be alright? Do we have enough time? Are we good enough? Can we make it? All these uncertainties are similar, resurfacing upon us yet again. I'm more scared than excited to embark on this path of life. I used to dream about how fun university will, how I can experience this once in a lifetime adulthood. But now I'm just cynical and scared. Fear, fear of not being good enough, fear of being judged, fear of not being able to have the fun I yearned for, fear of things going wrong. I know fearing does no good, and I have to embrace life. But am I really up for it? Well, I don't exactly have a choice and I guess time will tell. But as the days get nearer and nearer to the start of school, I began to doubt my theory. My awesome theory of whoever and whatever that comes in university will just be add ons to the great people and things that had happened to me. Cause when I came out with the theory I forgot about the fact that those great people are going to have their own sets of add ons. And maybe I won't be part of their great people anymore. Those great things may turn into memories that can't be brought back. Things happen, and people change. Whatever it is, somehow, I need to beable to learn to take it, and I'll grow. No biggie.
8:56 PM
♥At the end of the alley of hesitation.
Friday, July 22, 2011
Hi blog, i need an avenue to vent my sudden burst of hate, anger and sadness. I dont wanna go to anyone because everyone is all over themselves and thats what im sick of. I'm sick of people rambling about their lives. Everyone keeps going on and on and on about this and that and this and that of their lives which i dont give two crap about. I mean yes i get it, you think your life is awesome but i dont give a shit. Hello its not as if you're the only one with a life. Its not like only you you you and you have stories to tell. WHY DOES EVERYONE CARES ABOUT THEMSELVES SO MUCH? Why the fuck must i care about your lives when you know nothing about mine?! LIKE OKAY SURE GO ON TELL YOUR STORIES AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN ARENT YOU SICK OF YOURSELF?! And the point is everyone is behaving the same way. Everyone wants the same attention. Everyone's fighting for it. I'm sick and tired of everyone being like this. Sometimes i wonder why can't someone, anyone just ask me if i'm okay. If i will be okay. If i can be okay. Nobody ever does. Everyone's too busy making sure they are alright, they're fine, they're happy, they're comfortable, they're good. Why is everyone so selfish? We are our top priority, everyone elses are beneath our needs and wants and worries and troubles. But we expect other people to care about us. But has anyone stop and look around? Nobody cares. Nofuckingbody is genuine. Oh wait i think everyone's too busy proving themselves, there isnt even time for this discovery.
9:08 PM
♥At the end of the alley of hesitation.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
As we grow older, we fight lesser. Gah, why do I sound like an old woman? Or rather why am I making myself sound like one. I keep telling people that I'm in this phase that is call, or so called, mid-life crisis. I'm not exaggerating, I literally feel restless and lifeless and.. Old. I know I'm still too young to be in this mid-life emergency thing and to many, I mean really many many, I'm just a young naive stupid girl, but I can't help it if I feel sick and tired and bored of this super routine and borrrrrrrrring working life! Honestly, if it is not for the... Too good to be true(ironically, it is real though) pay, I'd have quit like, after the first month. While it is already my 3rd and a half month here. How I wish July will be here and I'd be carefree as hell, finally enjoying my long overdue well deserved shorrrrt break. So i digress(whats new) Anyway, I kinda miss those petty, senseless, silly fights that kids used to have. I mean now nobody fights anymore. No one. We don't go through the whole cycle of fight, cold war, kiss-and-make-up phase. I don't know, maybe it's because I have a secret fetish for war, I always think that friendships without fighting is not strong enough. Like if you haven't been through the downside and hardship together, always riding the high road, how'd you know how tight this relationship is? But people don't ever fight anymore, well at least people around me. Not at all. Everything is so peaceful its boring and redundant. The older we get, the higher the chances for us to skip the actual kiss-and-make-up period. Yeah, maybe people fight, oh yeah they do. But after the fight and maybe a little while of a cold war, we go back into pretending the fight and whatsafter did not happened and act like everything is fine, which its not. I get why people dislike confrontations, trust me, I do. But does running away from the problem help in any way? Nope, I don't think so. How ever long can we run away from those resentment? Why can't people just talk it out? Why do we choose the easy way out that does no good to us in the long run? Maybe we are afraid. Afraid of losing, afraid of being the party that is unreasonable, afraid of confrontations, afraid of people taking sides and going against you, afraid of.... Uncertainties that follow. Yeah I'm too, scared of uncertainties and new things. Like the whole new university thing, a brand new start again. Although I'm so sick and tired of this mundane life, sometimes I still wonder if I'm ready to leap into the new world yet. Oh well oh.
